Guy's Virtue Dealership - A New Business Model

Feeling your sense of being a crusading hero is dwindling? Dangerously unconcerned about the homeless? Passing whole evenings without even thinking about the mistreatment of the transgender community and watching TV instead? At risk of allowing your favourite hobby to fall into abeyance?

Being acutely concerned, as I always am, about the psychological well-being of society I have decided to set up a new business whose aim, principally, is not the small profits which it will accrue but the continued mental benefits that it will bring to the world at large . Guy’s Virtue Dealership will cater for those members of our community who sense that their levels of righteous indignation are at a level at which they are dangerously close to falling into a torpor where they are completely unconcerned about the world’s injustices (recently identified by scientists as 'world correction fatigue'). My service offers a guaranteed reinforcement of self-esteem and crusading zeal. On offer this week is your right to espouse the following hot causes, which are available to you “off-the-peg”:

Canadian native-American female sex-workers.

Slovakian IKEA delivery truck-drivers sleeping in their cabs because they can’t afford accommodation rates in Western Europe.

The casual disregard for water-voles by the big chemical companies.

Women who have been arrogantly refused the right to play in the French national cricket team.

The oppression of cows by muslims in the Indian sub-continent.

The oppression of muslims by the French government.

The mistreatment of the sepoys by the East India Company in 1872.

The thoughtless and callous irradiation of tomatoes.

At virtually no cost to yourself and without the requirement to have any personal interest in the causes on offer – just assume them and stick it to the man! You don’t have to get involved with the people or animals concerned, move a muscle or make any travel arrangements.

And as a special offer this week only, with every cause espoused we can throw in a free figure of hate for you to berate in the virtual world at “virtually” no cost to you. This week we have IDS and Sir Philip Green – in other words people that you can feel you have full permission to revile. Go ahead and vent your spleen to your heart’s content!

Remember, you can feel like a hero again for relatively little cost because we understand like no others do, that that is your first priority.